Feel free to contact Robert about any of his plays, and with any performance inquiries / requests.

Plays by Robert Cantillon

  • Last Long Night in Hell

    “Friends” Johnny and Devilish Dan split a raucous night between Hell and a Moe’s Southwest Grill. Their chaotic, frat bro behavior slowly gives way to a far darker predicament looming beneath the facade. Performances in July 2022 (Secret Theatre) and October 2022 (Theater Latea - NY Theatre Winterfest). 15 minutes, 3 M.

  • Push-Ups

    Sofia is surprised to find her husband, Ethan, practicing push-ups on a hot day. When bizarre visitors Raife and Maya come dancing (quite literally) into their home, however, Sofia begins to understand why her husband is trying to get into peak push-up form, and the dire penalties they will face if he can’t get into shape. Performances in July 2022 (Chain Theatre). 15 minutes, 2 M 2 F.

  • Room Eight

    Split between 1962 and the present day, two couples check in to a cheap motel in Massachusetts, which turns out to be a hub for sardonic managers, fierce brass instrument competition, star-crossed love - and murder. 30 minutes, 2 M 3 F.

  • Midnight at the West Haven Train Station

    Dangerous mid-level mob boss Evelyn arrives at the West Haven train station in the middle of the night, on her way to Stamford on “business”. At the station, she finds John, a trainspotter, beatboxing away. Their encounter plays out in an odd, meandering, generally bizarre fashion, but ultimately steers toward a far more significant - and dire - situation. Performances in November 2022 (Seat of Our Pants Theater, Pelham) and July/August 2024 (Secret Theatre). 18 minutes, 1 F 1 M.

  • Gracious Host

    Ben is all ready for his party of young, aspiring music industry members - even though his friend, Rocco, wasn’t able to rustle up any oyster crackers. He is surprised, however, when a guest arrives right on time (unheard of) - Kyle, a young man he does not know who soon ensnares Ben in a game whose rules seem to change constantly, and whose potential ramifications grow ever higher and more existential. Performances in December 2022 (Tisch Broke People Play Festival) and July/August 2023 (Secret Theatre Act One/One Act Festival). 10 minutes, 3 M 1 F

  • Raw Sewage (or, an alternative to/blatant misuse of Bayesian Statistics)

    Friends Kenzie, Hanna and Bianca stumble across a puddle of raw sewage - or, at least, a puddle they are statistically confident is raw sewage. As they investigate, however, they face the fact that this might not be what they thought it was, and that the truth may be far more sinister. Performances in February/March 2023 (Secret Theatre, Queens) 14 minutes, 3 F

  • Oh Holy Failure of the Northeast

    Stranded on a "desert island", Nick comes face to face with his past, and tormentors of his present. 12 Minutes, 3 M 1 F.

  • Farewell to Blammerton

    Valerie awakens on a train in the middle of the night, worried that she may have missed her stop. What unfolds as she encounters the cast of characters who pass through the train reveals that missing a stop would have been the least of her problems, and that the final destination may not be one she can return home from. Performances in February 2024 (Chain Theatre). 10 minutes, 2 F 2 M.

  • Closed Opening

    At a coffee shop, in two scenes - one at the very start of the working day, and one at the very end - the frustrations of a disgruntled barista bubble over, leading to wildly unexpected consequences. Performances in August 2024 (Chain Theatre). 12 minutes, 2 F 1 M.

  • Caitlin Clark Murdered My Grandmother

    After her plot for revenge is thwarted, Kat is stuck at a nearly deserted police station in the middle of the night, desperately trying to convince skeptical Detective Miller of the truth – that WNBA star Caitlin Clark is actually the immortal murderess who has been haunting her family for generations – before it is too late. Performances in February/March 2025 (Chain Theatre). 17 minutes, 3 F.